I didn’t have ant time to do something at home except household affairs and sleeping. What I have to do at my workplace increases so that I can’t go back home early. It makes me very tired, but I feel not only tired but worthwhile to my job now. The reason may be that I’ve been permitted to take part in forming some kinds of bread since some weeks ago. To touch raw dough not formed yet brings me various discoveries…How large bread which is before fermentation is and so on… These discoveries give me more deeper understanding to bread, I think.
When I couldn’t look at bread in my work’s category only, I often felt fatigue to my dairy works. And furthermore, I was often also embarrassed by “the situation” at that time… “The situation” means that I couldn’t feel my skill growing, joy to bake breads, and these made me felt that I was lonely at the workplace, too. Though I knew that it was just my silly imagination, I always suffered from it very much.
Thinking badly too much before beginning something new is one of my weakness. Before I board a plane, I often imagine that it crashes. I naturally understand it is meaningless and it brings nothing good to me. I’m afraid of making mistakes when I start something new although no one can do a thing without making mistakes at first. I’m still afraid of criticizing or scolding from someone.
Why am I afraid so much?
Perhaps it is because I can’t still do to believe or trust someone, and still more, I don’t also believe that I can be liked by the people around me.
By reason of the fact that I don’t like myself.
I think it is one of the greatest matter on my lifetime that I become to like myself recently.
Gradually I become to feel my work has a lot of fun with practicing many things to bake bread including forming it many times. When my skill improves through such a experience, my “filter” to look at the outside may be also improved and it brings me the sight of more brilliant world than before.
Thank you for your visit here today.