I reached my 29th birthday.

I reached my 29th birthday last week. When I was a child, I couldn’t imagine how I’ll live as an adult. 29 years have passed since I was born in the world. I can’t believe this simple fact.

“Happy birthday to you”, this sentence was said by my girlfriend, my parents and some of my colleagues on my birthday. I was very glad, but at the same time, I didn’t feel the gladness to become older and to reach my birthday without any trouble. Of course it doesn’t mean that something trouble was expected; I couldn’t congratulate on my birth, and I can’t still do that. I don’t feel it is happy to be born in the world.

“How stupid you are to think such a thing!”, maybe people around me say. But it is very difficult for those who can’t believe their own value to regard their birth as a good thing. Or for those who don’t think that to be able to live is happy or fortunate… When I said I’ve thought that it is the greatest happiness not to be born in the world to my colleagues, all of them couldn’t seem to understand my thought. And they said to me, “Don’t you feel it is arrogant to think so?”

Arrogant? For example, for those who can’t live long though they want to live much longer, is it arrogant that I wan’t to live longer although I have something trouble on my own body? I don’t look down on living; I don’t just feel it is good to live every day. Without any communication with others we can’t live in the world, and it brings me the tiredness which makes me thought that it is better not to be born than I live. My parents may be sad to hear my frank thought, and my friends, too. But I don’t stop thinking in that way.

Thank you for your visit here today.

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