The step to the next way…
I received the answer from a bakery where I had an interview for a job several days ago yesterday. I passed the examination for employment… I am very glad and sincerely thank people who advised and supported me mentally and physically for their kindness.
When I told my girlfriend it, she was also very glad but at the same time she was angry that I have seemed to think I’ve been alone and I have had to do everything about myself… She told me that I lacked the gratitude for others because I often said that I was alone and I should be mortal when I couldn’t find the job to live further when I’m in confusion mentally; “Have you ever thought the feeling of people who are around you and are willing to support you in many various aspects?”, she said.
I was very sad to hear that, but actually I have said such a thing many times so that I couldn’t have any counterarguments. Talking with her through Skype, I considered about myself and the reason to think such a stupid, foolish idea.
After all, I had a conclusion about the matter; Perhaps I have regarded almost all actions of ordinary people for others as actions to get some benefits for actors. These seems to be for others, but actually for actors, at least the actions which seems something good for me.. And it is caused by the lack of the confidence for my own. I couldn’t believe that I was able to get favor from others without any secret intention…Because I have thought since I was a teenager that I don’t have any rights to get it. I’ve been afraid to be required gifts in return.
“That’s wrong.”,she said. “Because every one isn’t so free that they never want to dare to do something for others who are not worthy to do that.”
It seems like general people are often willing to do something without any ulterior motive for others. My girlfriend also said; “When you visited Germany, you gave me a necklace bought there as a present. Did you want to receive anything from me as a return?” Of course I didn’t want to anything, What I wished was not any benefits but her pleasure.
I felt that it will be important that I try to change my view about people. And furthermore, I must have self-confidence to do that; because without it, I will have never believe in every action from others for me… I must keep suspecting them to want some returns more than they do. It is too pitiful mentally.
I have to make efforts to believe in others and my own with keeping practicing and training various things.
Thank you for your visit here today.