I can’t understand what I do because I’m too tired to grasp it.
It is Saturday today. This week will have gone away soon. I am very tired because of several reasons which I have already written here… But I know that to think about it is meaningless at all. People who commented here point it out, too.
It rains heavily today. I must go shopping to purchase some of vegetables, a bottle of milk and eggs today. In this city, Osaka, it is very useful to go somewhere by bike. Fare of transportation is not inexpensive and Going shopping on foot is not available to bring many plastic bags on shopping. A basket fit up on the bicycle helps people to bring what they bought easily.
Recently I feel that I can’t put up with not to buy something what I want to get. For example, some days ago, I bought a cap which cost about 5,000 JPN at a shopping mall located in Osaka Station. In the situation which I’m in normally I shouldn’t buy it because I have to decrease expenses now. But I couldn’t control myself…. Furthermore, yesterday I bought a fried chicken priced 500 JPN though there might be other ingredients to get… It wasn’t also necessary to buy.
If I live with outlay that is about 200,000 JPN per a month(In the fact I don’t have such a heavy expense per month!), I perhaps will be able to remain to live about more than 1 years. And then, of course I think that I want to start working as soon as I can after graduate the school I belong to now. But, but I have heavy anxiety in my heart; For a long time I have held a question in my depth…”Can I on earth live as same as ordinal people who live with their own works?” My heart is weak, and my body is, too… I can’t still give up to regard myself as “A person done badly, and grown up badly”. I always think that I have to apologize my parents and people who are familiar with me. I’m sorry and I thank you for your kindness that you keep the relationship with me, a person done badly, having a weak, selfish heart……
I have a dream. It is perhaps not great and brilliant. But… I have a question; Can I dream the dreams? And then, fundamentally, Do I have a qualification to have any dreams?
If not, Who give me the qualification to have them?
..In fact, I perhaps know the answer.
“Who?” …Yeah, it is simple; It is “me”. Only “I” can give the qualification to go ahead.
But, I can’t still permit me to have it…. because I don’t know how.
Thank you for your visit here today.