In a mutter; “why am I here now?”

Today I also work at my workplace. It is a duty to earn money which is prepared for my future. But because I have caught a cold since last weekend, so that it is difficult to stay here long after office hour comes to end; As soon as I finish to do what I have to do today, I’ll go back home and have a rest. Tomorrow is holiday and it gives me a chance to drink some glasses of wine! I’m looking forward to having a good time with it.

I have already blogged that my present work will come to end next March. Recently I have been very tired, and thought that I have to be patient long. But my girlfriend indicated that the rest term of my present work is only about 4 and half a month. It is shorter than the term I anticipated; Next April I’ll be free! Off course I won’t be able to earn money in the way of what I have done for 3 years, but I just want to have a rest for a while. And after that, I have already decided to do something to make my future brighter.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I avoided thinking about my future, because it made me very sad; I failed to enter any companies, failed to enter a postgraduate course and as a result I didn’t and couldn’t belong to any places which guarantee me a title. I didn’t always live sadly every day, but sometimes I suddenly wanted to commit suicide immediately because I couldn’t understand and feel to lost the reason to live. “Why must we live?” This was one of the most significant problem for me in those days.

The question written above is still a important matter for me, but presently it made me sad and felt to lose the reason to live. It is very fortunate for me that  I could found what I want to do and I could get one who stands by me.

…Oh, I have to go to work again and teach students what I know and I want to tell; I don’t know how many things they can understand and remember, but to think about it is not so efficient that I make a rule just to do what I should do.

Thank you for your visit here today.

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