In a mutter; Examination, Holiday and Committing Suicide…

This long week has gone. I have been very tired for this week because I (and other colleagues) have had to do lots of things at workplace.

Though yesterday was Saturday which was usually regarded as a holiday for me, I had to go to school to work. A test which was very famous because many high school students in Japan examined it was held yesterday, and I had to work as a proctor for whole yesterday morning. Students are ranked and shown which level they are now by the exam. I have also examined it several times before, but I remember that I could hardly score good point on it. In fact, I didn’t study hard when I was a high school student, so that it should be natural that the result of every exam wasn’t good. Speaking further, I couldn’t pass the examination to enter an university at the first attempt. It was fortunate that I didn’t want to enter it not so much, and I think this result should have been what it was; I had a blank which I didn’t belong to every school, place or workplace in for a year and I was suffered from inferiority complex. It was very severe and painful experience, but it let me realize how painful it was, the feeling to commit suicide.

It was the beginning to think about that it was bad or not  to commit suicide. Not every body but many people say that it was bad and it shouldn’t  be done. They say also reasons which prove the badness of it, for example, It is the worst news for your parents who have brought you up with not only using much of money and long time but the limitless love. It is also one of the worst news to your friend; Where should the friendship made among you and your friends go? They will be in sadness if you suddenly leave away from the world, and their daily lives. The reasons above weren’t incorrect, but I can’t agree completely to them. I think that it is one of the right people have to bring their lives to end by themselves. My girlfriend has ever told that every birth of child was made from their parents’ egoism, because all children couldn’t have a choice to be born or not. I’m for  her thought. It has been blogged before, I was very suffered from various bitter things around me; Strifes among my family, bullied from my classmates, and many other things… I have felt that I shouldn’t be born to the world. I didn’t know (and don’t also know still now) where I was before coming to the world filled with painful, severe, bitter experiences, But it would be better than where I was embedded;
I don’t want to commit suicide now, because I find things I wish to realize and I have a person I want to live with together long.  But it doesn’t mean that I think it is bad to commit suicide. Many people having committed it must have  been suffered from something. Why can other people who don’t know the suffer criticize them? Many people say that it is a social problem that the many number of people try to commit suicide, but I think it is also a very personal matter. I sometimes feel that it must be necessary to live in the severe world that they have something to cure them. And the people who could find it are very fortunate. The fortunate shouldn’t allege their unilateral thought about such a personal and sensitive matter.
I think I’m also fortunate because I could find something to wish to live further. IT IS TRULY FORTUNATE; if I couldn’t have found it,  I may have already left away from the world by stopping my living body.

Thank you for your visit here today.

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