In a mutter…

Presently a storm remains staying in my house.  My parents have had a fight about money since Last Sunday. I usually talk with my mother, but I rarely talk with my father. I think that my father seems very selfish and he always seems to have no doubt about his rightness. People who had no doubt about what they did or have done are very happy, I think. Of course it is an ironical expression. And my father is such a person.
He complained with electric utility expense at home. He perhaps said that it was too high to pay it. And he might also talk my mother to decrease to use the amount of electricity more. In fact, I think the one who uses  electricity too much is himself. He let an air conditioner put in his room remain moving during last summer. Not only electricity, but also other expense has been coming from his action. He sometimes sleep in the car which engine is kept moving. I and my mother think it is the waste of gasoline and this conclusion may not be wrong. When I was a high school student, I asked him to buy me a novel written by Tolstoy, but at first he refused my request. On the other hand, he often decided soon to buy a new product he wants to get without any hesitation. After all, he pays for all things he wants, but he tries to avoid paying for all things his family, I or my mother, want as much as possible. I always wonder why he got married with my mother. And I can’t understand why my mother chose such a man as her husband at all.  I think my father had better not lives with anyone. He must remain calm when he is alone. If my mother didn’t get married with him, she may live more better. To tell the truth, I think that they should get a divorce. For both of them, it is the best way to live more better. It seems just a waste of time that they live together.
Since my childhood, they haven’t gotten along with each other. I have been sad to be born between them. I want to say people who have children; Please don’t let your children sad. You are all for them. They have nothing without you. When I think about my childhood, I always want to hug myself who was still small and always staying alone, and I will say; “I’m proud of you and your endurance with terrible loneliness  and sadness.”
To get a divorce is not a claim, I think. But it is absolutely bad to make children felt sad or lonely.

I must think about getting out from my house seriously. I also have my own life, even if it is worthless and insignificant.
I want to regard it as the most important thing for me.

Thank you for your visit here today.

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