In a mutter…
I sometimes feel that why I must stop expressing my opinion and what I thought before. I don’t want to have a conflict with others. I’ve already understood that has been the main reason since my childhood. I had had to be patient with various things to do. Nevertheless I must have been a very selfish child. But I remembered that I gave up to ask my parents to do what I want to be done. I often went somewhere alone not to meet anyone. And I stayed alone by evening.
This stems from my character. I don’t like to have meaningless conflict with others. Because it must make me so tired that I can’t think anything which is more important than problems of that conflict. To express my own opinion, thought or feeling is very bad, So I have thought for a long time. However I have ever been indicated difficulty to understand my feelings by my girlfriend and one of my friends. I was very embarrassed. the reason is that I have thought that to live without expressing my thought or feelings, even if I have been in conference or conversation. My role has been to listen to other people silently and to express to agree quite with them, if I haven’t had a different opinion in my heart.
It was very easy for me because the way brings me no conflicts with anyone. I also thought that what I felt or considered didn’t have any meaning, therefore I didn’t take it as a problem.
They denied the way. They said that I was seemed to want to do nothing and not to do care it a straw. I didn’t expected such a criticism, so that at that time I didn’t understand what I should have to say.
I should have talked my thought about it to them whenever I think about it. Not to state my opinion or express my feeling has been at least the best way for me to live calmly for a long time. But I didn’t say that. People who criticized me could consider things so logically that I thought that my thought has must be worse than theirs. I didn’t remember how I survived at the situation… Perhaps I just agreed with them or just smiled and said nothing.
I sometimes wonder why people state their own opinions easily, even if they are seemed to be very selfish. It is not rare that people who criticize someone severely about his/her attitude or action do also similar things which the criticized does. Nevertheless they are seemed that they don’t realize the simple fact and believe that they do right. How arrogant they are! Without considering various things at all, which they have done and which may include mistakes, they can regard themselves as right actors/actresses easily. I think they must be happy people. They may not be afraid of the conflict that their opinion or insistence causes because they believe completely in their rightness. I sometimes feel that the number of people around the world is same as that of rightness, but theirs is the only right one for them.
But I also, who write my daily on the blog, must perpetrate similar arrogance. Perhaps I have no rights to criticize them at all, because it means that I do as same as people I wrote above before do.
Thank you for your visit here today.