How long haven’t I written anything here? The reason is not simple; I have had nothing to write. I am writing this article in English, but my ability to write something in this language has also gotten worse because I didn’t use it in my own daily life in Japan. I usually talk with those who are around me in Japanese, and it is not necessary to speak in foreign languages as well as we live in this ironically fantastic country.
Now what I do is also simple. Presently I work in my family’s business with my parents. and I could get a new job at a company this month and I’ll start to work there, too. It is not bakery but makes geographic data, computer system for customers and a lot of documents printed on paper into electric data with computer. Yes, I have already given up to be a professional baker; It was too difficult for me to bear many things around the work. I don’t know whether it was caused by my character and disorder or not and I think it is not so important. It is not important what I have done but what I have thought and felt for me. To think and feel something, we need to eat or drink something everyday.
To live long is no longer necessary and significant for me. I want to say goodbye to this world but I don’t still have courage enough to do it. Recently I feel it is wonder to live here; Why am “I” here? Who am “I”? Who is the person, who is inputting “Who am “I”” with keyboard and drinking coffee at home in this small city in the west of Japan? Many people have not thought about the mystery, but it has been next to our daily lives since we were born and waited for the moment when we awake to its existence.
This mystery doesn’t bored me at all. “Thinking about it has no meaning, it is not useful for our lives”, some may say so. Though it has no physical meaning or doesn’t give us money, but it must give us the mental attitude toward our lives; “I don’t know anything around the world and myself, but I know the fact I don’t know anything.” There is nothing certain in which we think certain. This recognition makes us free. …To begin with, why is things which are regarded as meaningful more important than things being regarded as meaningless? And I have a question; What is the difference between “meaningful” and “-less” ? What standard decides it? and What makes the standard? …What a entirely wonderful, mysterious world we live in! We are also parts in the great mystery.
I don’t know the purpose of our lives. Why can we know it without understanding what we are and why we are now here? The only thing I know is that it is a lot of fun for me to remain thinking about the wonder, even if it has no meaning and doesn’t change anything around the world.
Thank you for your visit.